so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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