i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
