Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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