The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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