i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just cropdusted the office
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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