i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
