my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
