Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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