Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
