Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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