Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
