can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
