Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
