you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
