Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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