I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
