3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
