so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
