Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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