Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
