in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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