Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
