Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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