i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
