He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
