I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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