i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize