I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
