hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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