Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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