no, he came in my armpit
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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