If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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