How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i dont even know how to be here
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
