Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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