Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
