i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
