we made out on top of his cat.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
