She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
