im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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