He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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