I'm going to jail i love you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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