I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize