oh god the rape fog is back!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
