You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
