Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
