some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
