I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
