its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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