my phone needs a breathalizer
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
