If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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