I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have fence marks all over my body
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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