all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
