WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
