I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize