Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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