We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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