I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
