I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
