worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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