Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize