Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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