I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
