And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
