Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
