I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
